Real-life examples of leaders who transformed their conflict style for the better

When was the last time that something you had waited a long time for FINALLY happened?

On November 10, 2022 we finally celebrated – in-person – the leaders who contributed to my book How Did My Family Get In My Office?!

The book was published 2 years ago in November, at the height of the pandemic, and at last we  gathered.

The book is a compilation of stories of how these real-life leaders transformed their conflict style for the better.

How did they do it?

First, the leaders connected the dots between how conflict was handled in their upbringing influenced how they handle conflict today as an adult, in particular as a leader in the workplace.  

Through vulnerability and transparency each leader looked back at events growing up, not to blame, … rather to gain self-awareness about their conflict style.

But they didn’t stop there.

The second way the leaders transformed their conflict style was by acknowledging their “Mokita”.

Mokita is word from on the tribes in Papua New Guinea that means “The truth we know about and agree not to speak of”.  In our English language, it’s the elephant in the room.

The leaders acknowledged the “Mokita” of how they handled conflict wasn’t working in being the leader they wanted to be.

Instead of saying “This is just how I am, I can’t change”, they took action to change how they handled conflict for the better.

The third way the leaders transformed their conflict style was through a mindset of pertinacity.  

Pertinacity is a word in Webster’s Dictionary that is the combination of persistence and tenacity. It means “Sticking with what’s difficult with courage, conviction, and a little bit of stubbornness”.

The theme of pertinacity weaves throughout the book like a golden thread as each leader describes what it took to develop new skills and ways of handling conflict.

These leaders are courageous. Both in how they were able to transform their conflict style and in their willingness to share their stories so that readers like you can relate and be inspired to transform how you handle conflict for the better too.

That’s why celebrating these leaders was such a big deal and worth the two-year wait getting past the pandemic.

In the words of Paul Wong

“Our past can be both a burden and a resource. The emotional baggage and the scars we carry can sap our energy and reduce our sense of well-being…But the vast reservoir of memories can also serve as a reservoir of wisdom, meaning, and solace.”

How might understanding the way conflict was handled in your upbringing help you improve the way you handle conflict today?

How well is your conflict style working for you in terms of resolving differences at work and at home?

When conversations get tense, do you have a mindset of pertinacity – staying in the tension  with persistence and tenacity?

Or do you find yourself reverting to conflict patterns like cracking a joke to ease the tension, explode in regretful outbursts, give in to keep the peace, or perhaps find ways to control? 

Follow the leaders’ example from the book by making intentional conscious choices to improve how you handle conflict through a mindset of pertinacity.

Get your copy today of How Did My Family Get In My Office?! and use it as a team-building resource to build vulnerability-based trust and healthy, productive conflict with your team.  

Get Your Copy Here

P.S. Shout out to artist, Sierra Bryant, who created the picture in today’s blog acknowledging the “Mokita” described in How Did My Family Get In My Office?! 

About the author 

Bonnie Artman Fox, MS, LMFT works with executive leaders who want to gain self-awareness about the impact of their words and actions and up-level their interpersonal skills. 

Drawing from decades as a psychiatric nurse and licensed family therapist, Bonnie brings a unique perspective to equip executive leaders with the roadmap to emotional intelligence that brings teams together. 

Bonnie’s leadership Turnaround coaching program has an 82% success rate in guiding leaders to replace abrasive behavior with tact, empathy, and consideration of others. The end result is a happy, healthy, and profitable workplace…sooner vs. later.

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