Teen Teaches Adults About Focus with Tag Words
Much has been written about teenagers’ difficulty with focus. Most often, it is cited as a sign of immaturity.
The Psychiatric and medical community even have a diagnostic code Attention Deficit Disorder (ADD) that justifies the use of mediation for such a condition. A 15-year-old Somali boy has recently shown the world when teens are determined and have an attachment to someone, they can focus.
On April 20, 2014 this same 15-year-old young man was found in the wheel well of an airplane that had just arrived at Kahului Airport in Hawaii. Apparently there had been an argument that morning with his father and stepmother and he jumped the fence at San Jose, California near his home and climbed in the airplane. In recent days, it is reported that his motivation was based his intent to reunite with his mother in Africa.
What was his focus centered on? Attachment. Attachment to his mother. Though we don’t know the details of this story, his focus appears to be based on what we all long for in life – connection.
In Dan Siegel’s most recent book Brain Storm (2014), he talks about the science of adolescence and four “S’s” that adolescents need from their parents or primary caregiver in order to become a confident, secure, and resilient adult:
- Being Seen – When a teen feels seen as a person of worth and validated, especially for their feelings.
- Safe – When the attachment figure not only keeps the teen safe from harm, but the adults themselves are not a source of terror. If the teen doesn’t feel safe physically or emotionally, their brainstem says “I need to get away from the source of terror”.
- Soothe – When distressed, the attachment figure helps the teen feel calm. Ideally, the tuned-in caregiver amplifies positive feelings and reduces negative feelings.
- Security – The attachment figure helps the teen to make sense of whatever happens and when they make mistakes, they offer an apology.
These same four S’s apply to leadership in the workplace.
- Being Seen – Acknowledging an employee’s value and feelings poor work performance, tardiness, or abrasive behavior.
- Safe – As an authority figure in charge, you keep your staff from harm, also making sure you are not a source of terror in terms of demands, tone of voice, and how you motivate. If an employee doesn’t feel safe physically or emotionally, their brainstem warns “I need to get away from the source of terror”. The employee may have difficulty with focus and that affects productivity. Or the employee may quit without you knowing why.
- Soothe – When overwhelmed or distracted with work responsibilities, your leadership helps your employees feel calmness that promotes clear, focused problem solving. Your leadership amplifies positive feelings and reduces negative feelings in the work culture.
- Security – As a leader you help your employees make sense of whatever happens. If you make a mistake, you offer an apology.
Though I am not condoning the impulsive choice this young man made that put his life in jeopardy, I am impressed with his focus. He was determined to be with the person who makes him feel safe, soothed, and secure. He shows us that extreme measures have a basic need that all human beings long for – attachment and connection. This need applies to all relationships, both personal and professional.
As we head into celebrating Mother’s Day this weekend, I celebrate the role of motherhood in providing the four S’s as the integral role in how children thrive. Whether you are a parent or leader, how are you giving the four S’s to those that you influence?
As a leader, make the conscious choice to integrate the four S’s and notice the positive change to the climate of your work environment.