Why Acknowledging Your Efforts Matters More Than Their Responses

When was the last time you took the initiative to repair a conflict with a colleague, even when you weren’t sure how they’d respond?

October is Emotional Intelligence Awareness Month, making it the perfect time to reflect on the courageous conversations that define effective leadership. At a recent Interpersonal Success Circle session, one of my clients shared a powerful example of emotional intelligence in action.

She had a conversation with a co-worker earlier in the day that went sideways. The exchange left her unsettled, but instead of letting it fester, she made an intentional choice.

“As I was walking out the door, he was alone in his office,” she told me. “I put my backpack in my car and went back inside to repair our conversation. It went better than expected, and it was a start to hopefully working better together going forward.”

I asked her how she found it within herself to initiate that repair.

Her answer was simple but profound: “I didn’t feel right about how our conversation ended.”

That’s emotional intelligence at work. Even though she was still processing her own feelings about how the other person had reacted, she took responsibility for her part in the disagreement and chose courage over comfort.

This brings me to a practice I call the “Remember This” Strategy, and it can transform how you approach difficult conversations.

How It Works:

1. Acknowledge your effort – for you.

When you make an intentional effort to handle conflict more productively, whether that’s admitting a mistake, offering an apology, or genuinely acknowledging another person’s perspective – recognize that effort for yourself. Not for anyone else.

Regardless of how the other person responds, whether they accept your gesture or not, acknowledge to yourself that you did the right thing. Making an effort to be cordial and repair rifts takes courage, especially when you’re uncertain how others will respond.

2. Remember you made the effort.

Whether you jot it down in a journal or make a mental note, consciously remember that you did something awkward and uncomfortable – particularly if part of you didn’t want to do it (and that’s honest), but you did it anyway.

This isn’t about keeping score or giving yourself permission to stop trying if someone isn’t receptive. It’s about building evidence: You did it once. You can do it again.

It’s not about being right. It’s about making the effort to be the leader you aspire to be, regardless of what others do or don’t do.The more you practice noticing and remembering these moments, the more likely you are to show up with courage the next time a difficult conversation presents itself. That’s how emotional intelligence becomes a habit, not just an intention.

To leading with courage and emotional intelligence,