A Holiday Ritual That Changed How My Family Connects
The wrapping paper is about to fly.
The kids are buzzing with anticipation.
Everyone’s ready to tear into the presents.
And I’m about to do the thing that makes my nephews groan… ask three questions.
Several years ago, I started a holiday ritual with my extended family. After our Christmas Eve meal and before we opened presents, I gathered everyone and asked three simple questions.
The timing wasn’t perfect; my nephews were eleven and younger, practically vibrating with excitement to get to the gifts. I was met with complaints. Eye rolls. The universal “Do we have to?”
But my family went along with it. And over the years, something shifted.
What started as a way to capture meaning before materialism took over became something deeper: a ritual that strengthened our family connections in ways I didn’t anticipate.
The Three Questions I Ask Every Year:
- What was the highlight of your year?
- What are you most grateful for?
- What wisdom would you pass down to the next generation from a life lesson this year?
When I first started, the responses were brief and surface-level. “Um, friends. My dog. I don’t know.”
But year after year, as the ritual became part of “just how we do things,” the answers became more thoughtful. More vulnerable. More real.
In recent years, my nephew, now in his thirties, talked about the influence of a mentor who helped him develop his business. My sister shared gratitude for a health scare that turned out okay, but reminded her of what matters most. My dad passed down wisdom about the value of a strong work ethic that made us all pause and listen.
These aren’t the kinds of things that come up over turkey and mashed potatoes. But they’re the things that linger in our hearts long after the holiday is over.
Why This Matters
Rituals give us comfort and stability. They’re the practices that anchor us, the special foods, the traditions, the “just how things are done” moments that provide meaning and significance.
But the best rituals do more than provide comfort. They help us remember what matters most to us.
In a season that can feel chaotic, consumer-driven, and surface-level, rituals create space for depth. They invite us to slow down, reflect, and connect in ways we don’t always make time for.
I’ve kept a scrapbook of my family’s responses over the years. It’s become one of my most treasured possessions. Looking back, I can see what mattered to each person at different stages of life. The entries reveal resilience and wisdom that come from lived experience.
More than that, I can see how this simple ritual deepened our relationships.
Because when you ask someone what they’re grateful for or what wisdom they’ve learned, you’re not just making conversation. You’re inviting them to be seen. To reflect. To share something meaningful.
And that’s the kind of connection that lasts.
An Invitation for Your Holiday Gathering
This holiday season, I invite you to try this ritual with your own family, friends, or even colleagues at one of your Holiday gatherings.
You might be met with groans. You might get brief answers at first. That’s okay.
You might learn something you didn’t know about a friend, coworker, or family member. You might create a moment of connection that lasts long after the holiday season ends.
Because the best gifts aren’t the ones we wrap. They’re the ones we remember.
To meaningful connections this holiday season,
Bonnie
P.S. I’d love to hear from you. What rituals bring meaning to your holidays? And if you try these three questions, let me know how it goes.
About the author
Bonnie Artman Fox, MS, LMFT works with executive leaders who want to gain self-awareness about the impact of their words and actions and up-level their interpersonal skills.
Drawing from decades as a psychiatric nurse and licensed family therapist, Bonnie brings a unique perspective to equip executive leaders with the roadmap to emotional intelligence that brings teams together.
Bonnie’s leadership Turnaround coaching program has an 82% success rate in guiding leaders to replace abrasive behavior with tact, empathy, and consideration of others. The end result is a happy, healthy, and profitable workplace…sooner vs. later.