The Power of Apology: Restoring Harmony and Making Wrongs Right

Before my current role as an Executive Coach, I was a Marriage & Family Therapist. I worked with individuals, couples, and families to repair long-standing conflicts restoring harmony in their lives. Most often, reconciling relationships was a privilege.

This week, leading up to Mother’s Day, I am thinking of one particular client, Jane.

Despite being in her 80s, Jane made efforts to work through years of rifts and misunderstandings with her adult children. Her sole intention for attending therapy was to take responsibility for ways she had unintentionally emotionally hurt her children.

Taking Responsibility for Restoring Harmony

Over the course of several months, Jane wrote letters to each of her six children.

In the letters, she expressed what each of her children meant to her, shared appreciation for their individual strengths, and acknowledged her part in the problems they faced over the years.

The letters opened a door for Jane and her adult children to talk about the past and hear one another’s perspectives on events from long ago that had never been discussed.

The Uncomfortableness of Admitting Fault

Jane acknowledged how different and difficult it was for her to step into new feelings associated with admitting fault.

She said, “There is some kind of dignity in holding a grudge. Some feuds have been going on for twenty years, and I can’t remember why they started. I guess sometimes we take pride in holding a grudge. It’s unfamiliar to not hold onto ways I have been wronged.”

Despite her discomfort, and the steps she literally climbed to my office for sessions, she persevered and worked through unresolved issues with her children.

Understanding the Cracks in the Family Foundation

Each of Jane’s children told her how much her letters meant to them. Some of her children who lived in the area attended sessions with her to discuss the letters’ meaningful impact.

Through tears and heartfelt conversation, they began to understand each other’s perspectives of the events that led to cracks in the family foundation of anger, hurt, and cut-offs. Jane eventually resumed a relationship with one of her children from whom she had been estranged for several years.

Restoring Harmony and Making Wrongs Right

Jane’s story teaches two key lessons about owning our mistakes and repairing relationships.

The first is, regardless of age, it’s never too late to mend relationships. Jane knew she didn’t have long to live and wanted to make things right with her kids before it was too late.

The second lesson comes in the power of Jane’s written words, “I was wrong, will you forgive me, I love you,” backed by actions of remorse. This is priceless. Jane’s children each received a letter in her handwriting, a tangible reminder of Jane’s courage to mend strained relationships.

Whatever your relationship is with your mother (or whoever raised you), would you consider the legacy you want to leave when restoring harmony for the next generation?

About the author 

Bonnie Artman Fox, MS, LMFT works with executive leaders who want to gain self-awareness about the impact of their words and actions and up-level their interpersonal skills. 

Drawing from decades as a psychiatric nurse and licensed family therapist, Bonnie brings a unique perspective to equip executive leaders with the roadmap to emotional intelligence that brings teams together. 

Bonnie’s leadership Turnaround coaching program has an 82% success rate in guiding leaders to replace abrasive behavior with tact, empathy, and consideration of others. The end result is a happy, healthy, and profitable workplace…sooner vs. later.

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