What Emotionally Healthy Leaders Have in Common with Great Parents

Emotional intelligence in leadership isn’t just about managing your own emotions, it’s about creating an environment where others feel safe, seen, and valued. 

As we observe Emotional Intelligence Awareness Month this October, it’s worth reflecting on a powerful parallel: emotional intelligence in leadership mirrors the essential qualities of effective parenting.

Think about it. The best leaders, like the best parents, create psychological safety that allows people to thrive, take risks, and bring their whole selves to work.

The Parent-Leader Connection

In his book Brainstorm, Dr. Dan Siegel identifies four essential “S’s” that adolescents need from their parents or primary caregivers to become confident, secure, and resilient adults. These same four S’s are the foundation of emotionally intelligent leadership in the workplace.

When leaders embody these qualities, they don’t just manage teams, they cultivate environments where people feel psychologically safe enough to innovate, collaborate, and perform at their best.

1. Being Seen

In parenting: A teen feels seen as a person of worth when their feelings are validated and acknowledged.

In leadership: Acknowledging an employee’s value goes beyond recognizing their work output. It means validating their feelings, perspectives, and experiences, even during difficult conversations about poor performance, missed deadlines, or interpersonal conflicts.

Reflection question: When was the last time you truly saw one of your team members, not just as an employee, but as a whole person with valid emotions and experiences?

2. Safe

In parenting: A caregiver keeps a teen safe from harm while ensuring they themselves are not a source of fear.

In leadership: As an authority figure, you’re responsible for protecting your team from harm, and ensuring you’re not the source of fear through unreasonable demands, harsh tone, or unpredictable behavior. When employees don’t feel safe physically or emotionally, their nervous system triggers a “get away from danger” response. This affects focus, productivity, and retention.

Reflection question: Do your employees feel safe bringing you bad news? Can they admit mistakes without fear of being yelled at or facing extreme consequences?

3. Soothe

In parenting: When distressed, the attachment figure helps the teen feel calm. A tuned-in caregiver amplifies positive feelings and reduces negative ones.

In leadership: When team members feel overwhelmed or distracted by work pressures, emotionally intelligent leaders help restore a sense of calm that promotes clear, focused problem-solving. Your leadership should amplify what’s working and reduce unnecessary stress in the work culture.

Reflection question: How do you respond when your team is under pressure? Do you add to the chaos or help create calm?

4. Security

In parenting: The attachment figure helps the teen make sense of whatever happens. When mistakes occur, they offer an apology.

In leadership: Leaders who provide security help employees make sense of change, challenges, and setbacks. They take responsibility when they’re wrong and model accountability through genuine apologies.

Reflection question: When was the last time you admitted a mistake and apologized to your team?

The Bottom Line

Just as children thrive when they feel seen, safe, soothed, and secure with their caregivers, employees flourish when leaders provide these same conditions.

This month, consider this:

The most emotionally intelligent leaders understand that their role isn’t just to direct and manage, it’s to create the conditions where people feel safe enough to do their best work.

As a leader, make the conscious choice to integrate the four S’s and notice the positive change to the climate of your work environment.

How are you giving the four S’s to those you influence?

To leading with emotional intelligence,

Bonnie