3 Motivators to Turn Around Abrasive Behavior and Improve Your Leadership Credibility
To effectively turn around abrasive behavior, leaders must develop self-awareness and be open to feedback. In this post, you’ll discover how one COO recognized her abrasive leadership style, took action to change, and replaced harsh tactics with respect and interpersonal skills, ultimately transforming her leadership credibility.
It was a comment I never thought I’d hear, “I used to be an abrasive leader. In fact, one of my employees described me as being brutal to work with.”
Those were the words of a COO, Barb, who I met at a conference.
During introductions about the type of work we do, I told her about my specialty of coaching high-performing leaders to replace abrasive behavior with interpersonal skills. She then volunteered information that most people don’t discuss with a total stranger.
Intrigued by her humility and willingness to share so openly, I asked,
“How did you turn around abrasive leadership and change your behavior style?”
She paused for a moment, reflecting, before continuing with remarkable clarity:
“Three significant events happened in my life that motivated me to change.
- Divorce – The end of my first marriage started my change process. When I remarried, I didn’t want another divorce.
- Children – Having children made me realize I wanted to parent my children differently than how I was raised. I wanted my children to have a family they wanted to be with. Due to the constant fighting I saw in my parent’s relationship, I wanted to be as different from my parents as possible. By doing my own personal work, I gained awareness about how my upbringing impacted my tendency to take charge and make sure things were done in an abrasive manner.
- Hearing the truth of how people perceived me – A previous employee, who I highly respected, told me the truth about what it was like to work with me. I was in a new role with a different company and wanted to hire him.
His response was eye-opening.
He said, ‘It seems like you’ve changed; you used to be pretty brutal.’
With this feedback, I also went back to my previous business partner and other employees and apologized for how I treated them.
I realized I had the choice to apply skills to act differently, and I did. I didn’t want to be known as brutal to work with.”
“The first step toward change is awareness. The second step is acceptance.”
Nathaniel Branden
The Power of Recognizing the Need to Turn Around Abrasive Behavior
Barb is still in a high-profile position as a COO.
She is still a go-getter, competitive, and productive.
But now, the way she gets things done is through respect and civility…and her leadership style can no longer be defined as brutal and abrasive.
Through awareness and accepting the need for change, Barb had the courage and willingness to do the inner work to turn around abrasive behavior and change negative perceptions about her leadership style.
How about you?
When colleagues and co-workers give you feedback, how receptive are you?
Follow Barb’s example and be willing to consider what it’s like to be on the other side of you.
It might transform your work relationships and improve your leadership credibility.
About the author
Bonnie Artman Fox, MS, LMFT works with executive leaders who want to gain self-awareness about the impact of their words and actions and up-level their interpersonal skills.
Drawing from decades as a psychiatric nurse and licensed family therapist, Bonnie brings a unique perspective to equip executive leaders with the roadmap to emotional intelligence that brings teams together.
Bonnie’s leadership Turnaround coaching program has an 82% success rate in guiding leaders to replace abrasive behavior with tact, empathy, and consideration of others. The end result is a happy, healthy, and profitable workplace…sooner vs. later.