How to Lead with Empathy When an Employee Is Difficult to Like

“It’s hard to stay calm when an employee is condescending.”
“Some team members are just… harder to like.”
“I know I should respond professionally, but the way they speak to me makes it tough not to react.”

If you’ve had these thoughts, you’re not alone.

Even though you’re a leader and have the responsibility to model professional behavior, you’re also human. It’s understandable to feel triggered with the urge to lash out when your best efforts are met with disrespect, defensiveness, and disregard.

This blog addresses what to do when your leadership is tested by someone who seems determined to push your every button.

Ground Yourself First 

When employees are sarcastic, dismissive, or any other abrasive behavior, take control of the situation by literally putting your hand up and calmly say “Stop.” 

Pause so you can ground yourself and avoid saying something you’ll regret. You can even say “Let’s pause and think objectively about this situation.” Then literally be silent for a minute or two.

As a leader, it’s your responsibility to lead every employee with self-control, and yes, compassion…even when employees make it difficult. 

Grounding yourself first allows you to lead the conversation with a level head, rather than being emotionally hijacked.

See Past the Disruption

Disruptive behavior is often a mask. Behind the sarcasm, gossip, or lack of accountability is often an unresolved pain point or insecurity.

In my book, How Did My Family Get In My Office?!, one leader, Ryan, shares a perspective that perfectly captures this shift in mindset:

“One of the catalysts in changing my negative mindset was the phrase, ‘Walk a mile in my shoes.’ I’ve always taken that phrase to heart. I try to take into account what’s driving people:

– What got you to where you are right now?
– What have you been through, at work, at home?

It doesn’t excuse bad behavior. But it helps me remember that everyone has a story.”

That kind of empathy, rooted in curiosity rather than judgment, is a powerful leadership tool.

What Empathy Looks Like in Action

Let’s say you have a team member who consistently challenges authority or uses a condescending tone. It’s your job to protect the team and maintain a productive culture.

Approach the abrasive behavior with empathy:

• Stay grounded and nonreactive so you don’t mirror their energy.
• Ask questions like, “What’s been weighing on you lately?” or “What support would help you be at your best?”
• Point out their strengths and expectations to contribute to the team with respect and professionalism.

In doing so, you shift from knee-jerk reactions to leading. And you create the possibility for change, because someone finally saw the person behind the behavior.

Final Thought

Empathy isn’t about excusing poor conduct. It’s about choosing to lead from a place of emotional resilience rather than assumption. When you pause and consider someone’s story, you model the kind of workplace where people grow, not just perform.