When Your Best Performer Starts Slipping: The Hidden Cost of Incivility

When your best performer starts slipping, you’re not just seeing a dip in productivity; you’re witnessing the hidden cost of incivility ripple through your team. You know the employee I’m talking about.

You know the employee I’m talking about.

The one who’s always gone above and beyond. Shows up early. Delivers quality work. Encourages her team. The one you’ve never had to worry about, until now.

Then, something shifts.

Deadlines start getting missed. Mistakes creep in. She’s using all her PTO, even taking unpaid days. You want to believe it’s just a rough patch… but part of you knows something deeper might be going on.

As a leader, how do you handle that moment?

Do you push through the performance review like usual?

Or do you pause and lean into the harder, but more human, conversation?

The Courage to Look Beneath the Surface

Let me take you into a scenario I’ve seen more times than I can count.

A manager is preparing for an annual performance review with a long-standing, high-performing employee, let’s call her Jenna. As the paperwork is reviewed, the decline is obvious: quality has dropped, attendance is inconsistent, and the spark she once brought to the team is missing.

When the conversation begins, Jenna is quiet. Anxious. Disengaged. It’s clear something’s wrong, but she isn’t offering much… until the manager gently says:

“Jenna, this isn’t like you. I know this review doesn’t reflect your usual work. What’s going on? And what can I—or the company—do to support you?”

And just like that, the door opens.

The Hidden Cost of Incivility

Turns out, Jenna had been quietly struggling. A new team member had been belittling her ideas, undermining her in meetings, and even took credit for a major project she led. Jenna, not wanting to appear weak or “dramatic,” kept it all to herself, until she hit her breaking point and started job hunting.

She wasn’t just a declining employee. She was a disengaged employee on her way out.

And here’s the reality: she’s not alone.

A study in the Harvard Business Review found that:

• 63% of employees who experienced incivility lost time avoiding the offender
• 66% said their performance declined
• 12% left their job altogether

Those numbers are more than statistics. They’re signals. Signals of the culture damage that goes unnoticed when high performers go unsupported.

Performance Reviews Are Leadership Moments

We often see performance reviews as routine check-ins. But they’re also a mirror, showing us not only what’s happening in the work, but what’s happening behind the scenes.

That’s why it’s crucial to create space in these conversations. Not just for feedback, but for empathy.

Ask the questions others won’t.

Go beyond the numbers.

Be willing to hear what’s hard to say.

Because your willingness to listen may be the very thing that turns the tide for someone quietly struggling, and saves you from losing an irreplaceable part of your team.

Leadership Isn’t Just About Accountability, It’s About Awareness

When was the last time you looked beyond the performance metrics to see the person behind them?

As an executive coach, I’ve guided countless leaders through these kinds of conversations. And I can tell you: addressing performance is important. But understanding the “why” behind it is what changes culture.

So the next time you notice a star employee slipping, don’t default to assumptions and remember the hidden cost of incivility in the workplace.

Get curious.

Ask deeper questions.And don’t just manage… lead.

Want help navigating these conversations with clarity and confidence? Let’s connect.

About the author 

Bonnie Artman Fox, MS, LMFT works with executive leaders who want to gain self-awareness about the impact of their words and actions and up-level their interpersonal skills. 

Drawing from decades as a psychiatric nurse and licensed family therapist, Bonnie brings a unique perspective to equip executive leaders with the roadmap to emotional intelligence that brings teams together. 

Bonnie’s leadership Turnaround coaching program has an 82% success rate in guiding leaders to replace abrasive behavior with tact, empathy, and consideration of others. The end result is a happy, healthy, and profitable workplace…sooner vs. later.