5 key considerations when setting boundaries and addressing abrasive behavior

Have you ever overheard a conversation like this in your workplace?

“I wouldn’t go in there if I were you.”

— “What do you mean?”

“He’s in one of those moods.”

— “The wrath of Jim mood?”

“Yes.”

— “Thanks for the warning. I’ll come back when the coast is clear.”

Could this exchange between two of your employees be about one of your top performers? 

Co-workers and employees know when to stay away because they sense the irritability and simmering anger under the surface?

Does your staff know from firsthand experience that interactions with this person often result in being yelled at before they’ve had a chance to explain themselves?

As an executive and manager of a top-performer it’s important to understand that the mood and behavior of your team members, especially top performers, set the tone for your entire team.

Brain science reveals that people subconsciously pick up on the emotions of the most emotionally expressive individual, both positive and negative. This means that abrasive behavior significantly impacts your team’s emotions, productivity, and overall work culture.

Building Trust and Engagement

Patrick Lencioni’s book, “The Five Dysfunctions of a Team”, highlights that the absence of trust is the root cause of dysfunction in teams. Without trust, teams experience fear of conflict, lack of commitment, avoid accountability, and attention to results. 

By addressing abrasive behavior and setting clear boundaries around respectful, professional behavior, you build trust and engagement among your team because they see you taking action.

1. Recognize the Impact: Abrasive behavior, especially from top performers, affects the entire team’s productivity and well-being. It’s crucial to address these destructive behaviors promptly and directly.

2. Set Clear Expectations: Clearly communicate what behaviors are unacceptable and the consequences of continuing such behaviors. Use specific examples and be consistent in enforcing standards for respectful behavior.

3. Provide Constructive Feedback: Focus on the behavior, not the person. Provide specific examples and suggest alternative ways of handling situations.

4. Support Development: Offer training and development opportunities to help abrasive top-performers and leaders improve their interpersonal skills. This includes self-awareness, self-management, conflict resolution, and emotional intelligence training.5. Monitor Progress: Regularly check in with both the abrasive leader and their team to monitor progress and make adjustments as needed. This helps to ensure that positive changes are being sustained over time.

What’s Gets in the Way of Addressing Abrasive Behavior in Top-Performers?

Setting clear expectations for respectful and professional behavior, especially in top performers, is challenging for several reasons:

Fear of Losing Top Talent: You may hesitate to confront top performers, fearing they might leave the organization. However, the long-term impact of not addressing abrasive behavior on employee well-being and your overall culture is more detrimental.

Lack of Skills: You might feel ill-equipped to handle difficult conversations about behavior. You’re more comfortable addressing performance issues that can easily be measured. Developing the interpersonal skills to have uncomfortable conversations is essential for effective leadership.

Cultural Norms: In some organizations, abrasive behavior is overlooked or even tolerated due to a results-oriented culture. Changing this norm requires a commitment from the top down.

Imagine the Future

Imagine it’s six months from now, and you’ve had awkward, messy, and difficult conversations setting boundaries around your top performer’s abrasive behavior. You’re having regular meetings with your top-performer holding them accountable for change.

Q. What will be required of you to make this a reality between now and then?

Taking these steps improves your leadership credibility, creates a healthier, more productive work environment, and offers help for your top-performer.

Click here  to develop the necessary interpersonal skills to address abrasive behavior with your top-performer and hold them accountable for change.

Make the Conscious Choice to address abrasive behaviors proactively so you foster a respectful and productive work environment for your entire team.

About the author 

Bonnie Artman Fox, MS, LMFT works with executive leaders who want to gain self-awareness about the impact of their words and actions and up-level their interpersonal skills. 

Drawing from decades as a psychiatric nurse and licensed family therapist, Bonnie brings a unique perspective to equip executive leaders with the roadmap to emotional intelligence that brings teams together. 

Bonnie’s leadership Turnaround coaching program has an 82% success rate in guiding leaders to replace abrasive behavior with tact, empathy, and consideration of others. The end result is a happy, healthy, and profitable workplace…sooner vs. later.