Choose Your Mindset Before Addressing Employee Behavior: An Emotional Intelligence Approach

As a leader, to what degree do you stay grounded and nonreactive before addressing employee behavior situations?

Imagine this, your employee Jeremy has consistently been late for work and his demeanor has increasingly become more irritable and unpredictable over the past few weeks. When he first started with your company two years ago, he was positive, conscientious, and could be counted on as a contributing team member. Now he is unreliable and both his performance and conduct have significantly declined.

As a leader, it’s your responsibility to address what many leaders tend to avoid, having candid conversations with a grounded, nonreactive mindset.

If you don’t address Jeremy’s behavior and performance, it will negatively impact your work culture. You’ll lose credibility from other employees who pick up the slack of his work or bear the brunt of his erratic behavior. 

Jeremy himself is likely to continue to push boundaries because, without consequences, he’s learned he can.

October is Emotional Intelligence Awareness Month, making it the perfect time to reflect on how your emotional intelligence shapes these difficult conversations.

First Things First: Choose Your Mindset

Before you intervene with an employee facing performance or conduct problems, choose your mindset. Based on Jeremy’s behavior and complaints you’ve received from other employees, it’s easy to jump to negative conclusions. The reality is, you don’t know the root of what’s going on without him telling you.

This is where emotional intelligence comes in. By taking the time to be intentional about your mindset, you increase the likelihood of his receptivity to a candid conversation. Leaders with high emotional intelligence understand that their internal state directly impacts the outcome of difficult conversations.

Three Emotional Intelligence Practices to Prepare for Candid Conversations

1. Choose to be a leader where employees feel seen and cared for (Empathy + Social Awareness)

All employees, including those behaving like Jeremy, want to know they matter. This is empathy in action, the ability to understand and share the feelings of another person.

While it’s important to respect the boundaries of an employee’s personal life, showing genuine interest may decrease their defensiveness and increase the likelihood of them taking responsibility for their behavior. Leaders with strong emotional intelligence create psychological safety, even in accountability conversations.

 A possible question to ask Jeremy: Lately, I’ve noticed you don’t seem like yourself. Are you okay? 

2. Choose your words, tone, and posture wisely (Self-Regulation + Social Skills)

What you say and how you say it impacts how receptive Jeremy will be to you. This requires self-regulation, managing your own emotions so they don’t hijack the conversation.

If you’re frustrated, angry, or have already mentally written Jeremy off, he’ll sense it. Your tone, facial expressions, and body language communicate as much as your words. Be intentional to convey both concern and boundaries, verbally and non-verbally.

Before the conversation with Jeremy, take a moment to check in with yourself: How do I want to show up in this conversation so I stay grounded and nonreactive?

3. Choose your response (Self-Management + Emotional Regulation)

You cannot control how Jeremy will respond. You can control how you respond. This is the essence of emotional self-management.

Commit to staying calm, compassionate, and clear about what behavior needs to change as well as next steps. Whether the next steps are referral to your EAP, additional support, or something else, taking a stand about acceptable behavior with a caring, firm presence will make an impact, even if Jeremy doesn’t acknowledge it. 

Leaders with high emotional intelligence don’t take defensive or emotional reactions personally. They remain grounded in their leadership responsibility while maintaining empathy for the person in front of them.

The Bottom Line

As a leader, you set the tone for your team or company. Your language, presence, and mindset impact everyone around you and can significantly influence the outcome of candid conversations.

Emotional intelligence isn’t about being soft; it’s about being effective. It’s about addressing performance issues directly while creating the conditions for people to hear you, reflect, and change.

This Emotional Intelligence Awareness Month, reflect on how you show up in difficult conversations. The mindset you bring into the room matters as much as the words you say.

Make the conscious choice to develop your emotional intelligence, and you will navigate difficult conversations with more clarity, compassion, and impact.

To leading with emotional intelligence,

Bonnie